Unpopular Truths #1

They forgot your birthday and made plans with someone else? Narcissist. Dared to post one too many selfies? Narcissist. Said “no” to your weekend plans and made snarky comments about better uses of their time? Definitely a narcissist. 

These days, if someone cuts us off in traffic, criticizes our taste in music, or ghosts us after two dates, the internet might have us convinced we’ve encountered a narcissist. As discussed in last month’s article, social media is overflowing with pop psychology content that turns everyone into a walking DSM entry. But in the therapy world, we like to remind people of this month’s unpopular truth: Not everyone who is mean to you is a narcissist. Sometimes they’re just…..human. Selfish, cranky, emotionally immature, or just having a bad day. Or year. 

Instead of jumping to labels, instead ask yourself: 

• Is this an isolated moment, or a long-standing pattern? 

• How does this person’s behavior impact me, regardless of their motives? 

• What are my boundaries, and how can I enforce them without becoming the diagnosis police? 

Throwing around heavy diagnostic terms as casual insults can feel satisfying, but it robs us of the chance to set healthy boundaries or have honest conversations. Plus, it adds to the stigma around real, clinically significant conditions like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). When everything is “narcissism,” nothing really is—and we miss the opportunity to respond to situations with clarity rather than confusion.

So let’s save the term “narcissist” for the people who’ve truly earned it (and trust us, they’re out there). For everyone else? Call them what they are: frustrating, rude, selfish, maybe even downright mean—but not necessarily diagnosable. It’s faster, cleaner, and leaves you with more emotional energy for what really matters: your own growth.