Unpopular Truths #3
You go to therapy, unload your problems, get some validation, maybe a few coping strategies, and walk out feeling lighter, calmer, and more understood. If you don’t, something must be wrong with the therapist—or worse, with you
Sounds great, doesn’t it? Problem is, that just isn’t the reality of a lot of the meaningful work that happens in therapy. Which leads me to this month’s unpopular truth: If therapy is working, you won’t always leave feeling good. In fact, sometimes you’ll feel worse.
This isn’t failure—it’s evidence that the work is happening.
Real therapy is less like a warm bath and more like physical therapy. You might walk into your first few sessions hoping for comfort, but what you get is a deep stretch of old emotional scar tissue, a confrontation of unhelpful patterns, and the uncomfortable work of building new ways of thinking and behaving. That’s not always soothing—it can be strenuous.
Why therapy sometimes makes you feel worse first:
We’re digging into things you’ve avoided. That fight with your partner? The memory you’ve pushed aside for 20 years? The habit you know is hurting you but “isn’t that bad”? Talking about them is going to sting—because they’ve been festering.
Your brain hates change, even good change. Our brains love patterns regardless of positive or negative effects on us. Old patterns are like well-worn paths. Therapy asks you to step off the path and into the weeds. You might feel lost for a bit before a new trail forms. That can be disorienting, but discomfort is part of rewiring.
Validation and challenge go hand-in-hand. A skilled therapist will acknowledge your pain and push you toward a new perspective or action. That push can feel jarring, even unwelcome, especially if you’re used to people avoiding the hard truths with you.
The real measure of therapy’s success Therapy isn’t successful because you always leave in a good mood —it’s successful when you:
Start noticing your own patterns.
Respond differently in situations that used to trigger you.
Make choices that align with your values, even when they’re uncomfortable.
Feel more equipped to navigate —not avoid—difficult feelings.
The feel-good moments will come, but they’ll be the result of the work, not a constant state of comfort.
