Unpopular Truth #4

One of the more insidious beliefs we absorb about healing is that once something is understood, it should stop hurting. That if we can name a belief as untrue, it should lose its grip. The is why it’s so important to know the brain isn’t a truth-seeker. It’s a pattern-seeker.

Which means its job is not accuracy—it’s predictability. The brain learns by tracking what happens again and again, not by evaluating whether those experiences were fair, correct, or even real. Whatever repeats becomes familiar. Whatever is familiar begins to feel true. This is why insight often isn’t enough.

It’s why you can know you’re capable and still feel like a fraud. Or you can know you’re safe and still brace for impact. You can even know a relationship was very unhealthy or even abusive and still miss it.

Which brings me to this month’s unpopular therapy truth: Our brains don’t necessarily believe what’s true - they believe what we repeat to them. So knowledge alone doesn’t change our behavior. Repetition does. 

The brain changes when it practices something different consistently enough to trust it. New experiences have to be lived, not just understood. Safety has to be felt more than once. Boundaries have to be held repeatedly. Calm has to last long enough for the body to notice it didn’t end in danger.

This is why healing can feel slow and unimpressive. It’s not all about dramatic insight, it’s about quiet rewiring. Over time, the brain updates its assumptions. Not because it was convinced, but because something new kept happening.